dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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