I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
