p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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