whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We need a shit load of segways right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
