You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
