everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
