a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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