Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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