You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
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