Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
