Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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