please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
