Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
