I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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