I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
