Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
