Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you will always have a special place in my vag
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
