stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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