make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
