I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
