and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
