what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
