I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
