Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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