Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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