um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize