I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
