There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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