i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So much rum. So many feels.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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