Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
