he shaved USA in his pubs
honey bunches of taint.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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