i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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