he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
