smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
