found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
