Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
