R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
