you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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