Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
