the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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