I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
