It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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