when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
