The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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