"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
