WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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