jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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