Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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