Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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