So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't think brook has ever known best
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
