Im at strip club and am horny
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
