quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
