Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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