remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
