I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
