hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
