if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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