Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I AM VODKA MAN
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
