would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
