Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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