I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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