This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
